Yesterday a colleague and I met with a delegation of women from Eastern Europe (Azerbaijan, Croatia, Germany, Russia, Slovakia, Ukraine) who were visiting the US on a program called Women in Economic Leadership: Advancing Women, Advancing Humanity sponsored by the US Department of State, Office of International Visitors. The women were all professional women from six different countries and different professions. They wanted to learn how women achieve success and leadership roles in the US.
In the past I have met with several delegations through this program but this conversation was very different. This group wanted to know what was behind our decision to create our own business. The conversation evolved to the women expressing concern that they were creating others expectations for them and wanted to know how they could find what they truly wanted for themselves. Wow! Conversations with earlier groups were more strategic. This was a new conversation and unexpected.
How do we as women know who we are, what we want for ourselves and find the courage to make it happen. These women were from countries that may not value women knowing themselves in these ways. We talked about getting out of jobs that are familiar, financially rewarding, have prestige and that others validate but may not be what is our passion or what we want to be doing.
We talked about the pain of change and how change happens. We discussed that forced changes (i.e. loosing a job) were not coincidences and did not happen to us but are the result of a grander vision we have for ourselves.
A young woman from Slovakia, talked of being the perfect daughter, getting perfect grades, rising to the top of the banking world by 27 years of age only to be terribly unhappy. No one understood this because in their eyes she had everything. She had the perfect job only to realize is was not what she wanted. It took great courage to quit that job and create her own business selling products that support the elderly. She is happy and it is what she always wanted to do. This change was triggered by the death of her grandmother.
A woman from Germany who had never been abroad, shared her story of her husband divorcing her and feeling like a victim. She did not want to be a victim and found the courage to be strong in her own right.
A young woman talked about being the only female in a law firm and how she had to act like the male lawyers just to get along. She wondered if she was betraying herself or it was just the game she had to play.
President of a political party spoke about the lack of ethics in politics and could the values that women hold make a change. She is working to bring more women into politics hoping to bring new values to the table.
Editor in Chief of a large international women’s magazine wondered if she could do her job and start a business at the same time. She is struggling with her choices.
Leader of a non-profit supporting woman wondered how to bring women together who have political and religious differences and how to work with women who do not want to collaborate.
The conversation always went back to the same answer. Create quiet time for yourself to reflect. Pull your attention out of what you are doing and place your attention on yourself. Who are you? What is important to you and what do you value? We agreed that you enjoy is more important than what you are good at.
One woman sheepishly suggested that it was her intuition that guided her to make the changes she desired.
At the end of our time together their thinking about everything had changed. They were eager to have that quiet time with themselves to understand more about themselves, where they have been, where they are now and where they want to experience next? They wondered if they had the courage to create those changes.
Knowing that change is best planned I suggested that they stay in present time. Create change they are ready for now. More change can come after that.
All the women they have met across the United States have inspired this delegation. One experience that made an impact was in Washington D.C. There they met with women leaders in government, of large NGOs and corporations – all women at the top. One of them admitted that she often feels insecure or uncertain. She asked the other women at the top if that was true for them. 80% admitted to periods of uncertainty. This was meaningful to this delegation because that is how they are feeling after their time here. So much is possible. What will they choose when they return to their home country?
I assure you things will change. Though they may feel uncertain, they are also inspired, encouraged and eager to create the change they want but first the time spent getting to know who they are, what is important to them, what they value and their vision for themselves comes first. Admittedly I was inspired by them and became aware of changes I want to make.
Are you making the changes you desire?
Best wishes, Kay