Women, we must change not who we are but how we are being. We are acting and reacting in ways that are programmed into us, ways that do not serve us, but surely serve others.
After working with women for several decades, I admire the ways in which we have grown in ownership of our abilities. The world desperately needs our perspective and our leadership. It is the millennium of the feminine, so the time is right but are we making all the changes that are possible?
I heard a women researcher speak recently on gender bias . She was very clear in describing ways in which women are making changes in how they interact with their world. She also described ways in which we fall into old patterns that stereotype us. By stereotype, I mean concepts that others hold about women, our role and expectations. These stereotypes persist in part because we continue to act and react in ways the reinforce them. We don’t do this intent ally, of course. We do it unconsciously and automatically, out of habit.
The speaker gave an example of Carol who was recently promoted to an executive position. A client unexpectedly came to the office. Carol and her CEO were caught off guard. The CEO turned to Carol and asked her to arrange lunch for the three of them. Carol’s immediate reaction was to solve the problem, be accommodating and do the womanly thing – arrange for lunch. Fortunately Carol caught herself, suggested that Mary, the CEOs administrative assistant, would arrange for lunch. Carol offered to speak with the client to assess his concerns in order to bring any necessary documents to the lunch discussion.
The speaker warned each of us to be conscious and aware of these subtle stereotypical expectations and help others reframe their thinking as Carol did. The change in stereotypes has to begin with us, educating and modeling for others in a way that keeps the energy moving and creates alternative perspectives.
I emphasize the need to keep energy moving in order to create a smooth transition in thinking as the easiest way to create change. Being forceful or resistant can create a different set of reactions that closes people down rather than opening up understanding.
Making change away from stereotypes of women is not so easy because most stereotypes are based on abilities we have as women including our ability to nurture, take care of, problem solve and support others. This is in our nature as the creator of life. It is instinctual. How do we use these abilities in our own way rather than in ways determined by society, religion, culture, programming, etc.?
These abilities are also our strengths. To create change we must take the time to understand our abilities and how we want to express them in our lives personally and professionally, not from an expectation, but with free will.
From an intuitive perspective, this is not something that can be decided logically. Going within, being in communication with our inner self and knowing how we want to be in our world, family, work, relationships, community, etc. is the only way to know. Once we know then we can show others how we are when we are being true to ourselves – easily and smoothly, energy moving.
We will get off track and follow stereotypes because we act so unconsciously and automatically most of the time. Habits and routines tend to rule our lives. To make a change means being thoughtful, mindful, conscious and aware in the moment. At the same time, we must let go of old ways of being if they are not true for us. It is hard because there is so much validation given us for following stereotypes.
Begin today. Each day release and step out of one stereotypical action then another. It is a journey in self-awareness and one that will bring great rewards.
Warm regards,
Kay